“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
—Eleanor Brownn
 

o many people believe that sacrificing themselves is what service is all about. Mothers, especially, proclaim that they put themselves last and tend to everyone else’s needs first. They work to please others and sometimes never even make it onto the list. I wish they could see the real message they are sending to their children and families: Everyone else matters but me. That’s what others are taking away from all your effort. Because children don’t learn what you tell them. They learn by watching you. By your example. They’re becoming what you’re role modeling for them. If you are overworked, uncared for, stressed, resentful, self-sacrificing, fake-happy, miserable, and complaining—that’s what you’re teaching your children to become. It’s what they will do when they become adults with children of their own. Now the question is, “Do you want that?”

Obviously not.

Here’s the alternative: Take a step back and acknowledge that you no longer want to take this approach. Working hard, being generous, expressing love, and even being a little cranky are all fine—as long as you practice mindfully, compassionately working with yourself to do this from conscious awareness. Because let’s face it, you’re going to lose your temper. It’s not about being a “perfect parent.” (Remember: You’re instilling the self-hating demands of perfectionism onto others by indulging it). What you want to model instead is a conscious, flesh-and-blood parent who is working to compassionately self-mentor herself. To remind her that it’s okay to lose her cool. To reassure her that you’ll be me more considerate of her needs. To reassure her that you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she’s taken care of too.

So for every person you care for, remember that you have one extra person with you to include. When you have a child, you actually have two: The child in your arms and the child within you.

No one left out.