“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”
—Matthew: 7:3

  well-meaning father was attempting to introduce mindfulness to his 6-year-old son. He taught him that “he is not his thoughts” by asking him to notice and listen to the needy “monkey” who was chattering in his head.

His son looked at him strangely and told him that there was no monkey in his head.

While this anecdote is amusing, what adults don’t realize is that a 6-year-old boy likely doesn’t have a torrent of thoughts streaming through his head like we do. Therefore, the analogy of a “monkey in his head” wouldn’t make sense to him.

Children are naturally present, in-the-moment, and mindful all the time. The conditioning we impose on them in the process of teaching them creates the suffering and the feeling of separation they later experience as adults. I’ve recently seen a viral video going around of small children in a classroom squirming in mandatory meditation. Bless us, we adults mean well, but we really need to focus on our own stuff before we assume others (kids) need what we need.

What do I mean by that? And what can we, as loving adults, do for children?

First and foremost, model for them how you want them to be (did you hear Gandhi’s quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world” in that?).

Kids are expert “poop detectors.” Meaning, you can stand there furious at them with a smile on your face and you better not think that you’re fooling them for a moment. They know you’re mad and are simply wondering why you have that goofy smile on your face trying to hide something. Because that’s what we adults do, hide how we are being.

Rather than worrying about the amount of information you need to download into them, consider first how you yourself are being. Because that is really what you are teaching them and who they will become. If you’re stressed out, unable to manage your well-being, sacrificing yourself for others, not speaking up for what’s right, stuffing emotions or not working through them constructively – that’s what your children will learn and become.

I know that the self-assessment in light of what I just said can be sobering, but it’s important. Because no amount of superficial modifications to their environment will make as much of an impact on children as you taking responsibility for yourself and being who you want them to be.

So go sit down and meditate. Train your attention to stay in the moment. Compassionately mentor yourself as though you were the child who needed the wisdom, clarity, love, and guidance to feel nurtured and supported.

Because you do.