ne of the most popular questions I regularly receive from clients and students is, “What is the balance between ‘just letting things be/going with the flow’ versus ‘working hard to make stuff happen?’”

My response is, “There is no balance.”

And I explain by describing the following:

Both are important, all the time. You must accept Life and Now as perfect exactly the way they are AND do everything you can to grow, develop, evolve and make a difference for the sake of Life. They are one song.

Here’s where we get into trouble:

The voices take “acceptance” and define it as “resignation, being nice, being passive, spacing out, being a doormat, and condoning.” So I run into people on this side of the duality, who are sitting in their rooms “manifesting” what they want by doing nothing. They’re just waiting for the good stuff to fall into their laps. Or they’re proudly saying things like, “Well, if it were meant to happen, it would have happened by now. It must be a sign from the Universe that…” In my experience, it’s a very easy platform to stay in to remain a victim of what happens to you in life.

On the flipside, the voices take “effort” and define it as “racing to the top, me first, no pain no gain, and looking out for #1.” People over here are overworked, beaten bloody, see themselves as lazy if they take a moment off, competitive, on the verge of burnout, and overcommitted. Families fall apart, and areas of their lives falter due to lack of attention.

And we can vacillate between these two.

If wandering around as the “happy-go-lucky” person doesn’t work, we can become triggered to get serious and transform into “the go-getter.”

The same is true the other way around. In fact, I meet many corporate leaders who think the answer is to do what they love (like become a yoga teacher). From “go-getter” to “happy-go-lucky.” That must be the answer.

But a duality swing is still a duality swing and, in my experience, you’re fooling yourself if you think that one equals happiness and the other doesn’t.

That said, in and of themselves, there’s nothing wrong with either of them.

Happy-go-lucky is a perfect person to go on a hike with, but horrible if you put her in charge of your credit cards.

The go-getter is an excellent person to put in charge of your business, but horrible when you bring him out on a date.

The real issue is that there’s no one in charge of seeing who’s appropriate to arise at any given moment. No leader asking, “Who is the best person for the job?” So the voices jump in to fill the vacuum (and make a mess of everything).

When you learn to compassionately self-mentor yourself through life, you’ll be like a magnificent conductor in charge of a grand orchestra called YOU.

YOU can create beautiful music. The trouble happens when you get identified with the timpani, and it just goes off at inappropriate times. Or decides to go solo! Or you think you only have delicate wind instruments available to you.

The good news is that you have all of the players in your orchestra available at your disposal whenever you want.

What you’re looking to learn how to do is to be the compassionate mentor.

The one who can look at you and say, “I love you exactly as you are and I’ll help you become anyway you want to be.”

When you’re reunited, all the parts of you with your mentor, you’ll be making beautiful music together in no time.