“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not a truth.”
—Marcus Aurelius
 

’ll never forget, I was on stage doing a Q&A session with two other brilliant coaches. I was up to take the next question. A woman rose from the audience and was passed the microphone by one of the assistants. She cleared her throat and anxiously presented a couple of major life decisions she was faced with and then asked, should she do x or do y? I could tell these had been on her mind for quite some time and that she was getting nowhere.

In the most casual way possible, I told her to go flip a coin.

She stood there a bit stunned.

I continued to explain to her that it ultimately didn’t matter. Her life would be radically different based on whatever choice she made. Even if she continued to make no choice, like she was currently doing, she’d experience the consequences of that choice. She’d be better off just going to find out.

People are terrified of “ruining their lives.” They believe one decision made now will last forever. So that decision must be perfect. There must be no consequences, and it must lead to eternal happiness (just like it did for Cinderella).

But no one has the answers, because there aren’t any.

As a coach, my job is to ferret out the voices in my clients’ heads so they can clearly see the direction their hearts want to lead them in. I help them see potentials within all their options. Often, I even help them see options that are hiding in between their options. But ultimately, it’s going to be up to them to make a move.

Sometimes when they’re stuck, I’ll agree with a particular direction they’re thinking of heading in just to stir something up. There’s nothing like jostling the voices at the thought of commitment! And boy will they show up if you plant a flag in the ground. “Well, but…” is often the first sentence they’ll belt out. So we’ll take notes about what they’re protesting. Then, just to continue kicking the hornet’s nest further, I’ll agree with the voices. “You’re right! It does seem like a bad decision,” which will simply provoke the voices on the other side of the decision to create a stink. “No, it’s not! There are plenty of good reasons…” More notes.

After we’ve mapped the process, we can now see the structure of inertia keeping my clients in limbo. This exercise is often their first peek into seeing there is no objectivity in any of their choices. Nothing is definite, concrete or final. It is all a grand experiment – to be played as a life-and-death ordeal or as a game.

It’s a choice.