“Love is the answer, and you know that for sure; Love is a flower, you’ve got to let it grow.”
—John Lennon
 

 had a big laundry list of things wrong with me.

This list sparked my obsession with becoming a personal development project. I was going to finally turn myself into the ideal human I knew I could be.

There’s a big trend in that right now. Big headlines that read, “become the person you have the potential to be.” It’s really quite glamorous. Full of productivity and bio hacks, positive mindsets and activities.

After spending my time visioning, I knew exactly what the person I could be looked like. I knew how he would talk, the kinds of things he’d accomplish, the thoughts he’d have in his head, the feelings he’d have in his body, the relationships he’d have in his life, and the way he’d see the world. Oh, and most importantly, how others would see him.

I had a sobering moment looking at who I was, and this sickening dread fell over me. I got angry at the miserable person I really was who was holding me back from becoming perfect. All these flaws. It just seemed insurmountable and unfair.

And then, in a moment of intuitive grace, while I was writing something in my journal and caught my reflection in the mirror, I finally understood what the practice had been teaching me. My eyes opened to the parts of me I despised. I realized that they were despised by the voices of self-hate – and that self-hate was not me. These small, innocent parts of me who have been downtrodden since I was a kid opened my heart to compassion. I saw how they were bullied and on the receiving end of constant abuse – kicked while they were down, made fun of, discouraged, and shamed.

With my heart wide open, I remarked at how these “poor, pathetic souls” were really my saviors. The sinners I was taught to hate were actually saints, and they were teaching me how to love unconditionally.

The irony was, I owed them my life. They were my doorway to saving myself disguised as damnation. From that moment going forward, I knew that my salvation laid in extending compassion to the targets of greed, hate, and delusion. Wherever compassion was missing, it was my job to bring it. Whatever was wrong, was suddenly made right through my own love.