Living the Zen Life

Not to be angry

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Not to be angry

“Angry is just sad’s bodyguard.”
—Liza Palmer
 

D

uring the Precepts retreat at the Zen monastery, one of the Ten Grave Prohibitive Precepts we explored was, “Not to be angry.”

An observation we made about anger is that fear is at the root of it. Fear is a very “out of control” state to be in and one that we attempt to be rid of as quickly as possible. Fear is a threat to the fabric and flow of how the storyline in our heads tells us life ought to go (and how life ought to go is the illusion of control that we cling to tenaciously). So whenever a threat occurs to this storyline, the defense mechanism switches to anger because let’s face it, it feels more powerful. Instead of imploding with fear, the system flips to explode with anger as a way to take charge again.

How we struggle now is so many of us got the message early on that anger is not an okay emotion to have or express. It was always quickly squashed by the adults, and yet we would continue to get angry. So now we self-monitor. Or rather, the voices in our heads monitor us and attempt to keep us in check (and occasionally talk us into acting out our anger so that they can later beat us up). We really don’t know what to do with all this energy that gets so unconstructively set up for us.

The first thing to realize is the precept is phrased “not to be angry,” which is not the same as “not to GET angry.” Feeling anger is going to be part of being human. We’re going to GET angry. The flood and intensity will happen. The spiritual opportunity in this for us is to observe that feeling so we do not BECOME anger.

What everyone is shocked by is Zen practice isn’t about “stuffing” anger or controlling it (which is what many of us were conditioned to do anyway, so I always find that ironic). We’re not actually interfering with anger or trying to stop the flood of emotions. Nor are we rationalizing with the crazy thoughts in our heads or trying to stop them either. If you’ve ever tried, you’ve probably experienced how that doesn’t make anything better.

Instead, in Zen training, we’re taught to scrutinize what is arising within us in conscious, compassionate awareness and full acceptance. We’re observing the voices in our heads and the sensations in our bodies. We are paying close attention to how it all works and how it all goes together.

The miracle in this is – that’s it! That’s all that’s going on in awareness practice all the time.

And that’s everything.
 

In lovingkindness,


If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, Living the Zen Life: Practicing Conscious, Compassionate Awareness (Volume One).

If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, Living the Zen Life: Practicing Conscious, Compassionate Awareness (Volume Two).

If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, Living the Zen Life: Practicing Conscious, Compassionate Awareness (Volume Three).

If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, A Shift to Love: Zen Stories and Lessons by Alex Mill.

If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, Meditation and Reinventing Yourself.

If you enjoyed this article, you can find a version of it in my book, The Zen Life: Spiritual Training for Modern Times.

 


  Alex Mill trained in a Zen Buddhist monastery for nearly 14 years. He now offers his extensive experience to transform people’s lives and businesses through timeless Zen principles.

He is the creator of three powerful 30-day programs, Heart-to-Heart: Compassionate Self-Mentoring, Help Yourself to Change, and Your Practice, as well as the online Zen meditation workshop, Taming Your Inner Noise (now offered as The FREE Zen Workshop).

Alex has also written seven books on Zen awareness practice. The latest are entitled A Shift to Love: Zen Stories and Lessons (Get it for FREE here) and the 3-book series Living the Zen Life: Practicing Conscious, Compassionate Awareness.

He is a full-time Zen Life Coach who offers guidance and life-changing support to his private clients worldwide. Book a call.


 

4 thoughts on “Not to be angry”

  1. Thanks for that sometimes I notice my anger when I think about a certain situation and I wonder what I can do about it as I don’t want to feel like this, it would be nice to do something about this situation in a compassionate way but in the meantime I will acknowledge my anger and let it pass.

      1. Hi Alex, yes I’ve been thinking about that, I’m not the only person affected by the situation but I’ve no doubt that everyone has a different perspective on it,
        However all my recent learning about life and experiences have come about as a result of trying to deal with this situation. My thoughts are when the oppprtunity arises I will take action and do so in an appropriately compasssonate manner quite naturally, kind of like the caterpillar, life will take care of it for me.

      2. I don’t know what your situation is, so I can’t assume that what you say isn’t true. What I have experienced myself is that the voices have us trapped in a loop of habitual patterns. These patterns make it challenging to see opportunities arise to take action and we hardly ever do so in an appropriate, compassionate manner “naturally.” It takes presence and compassionate self-mentoring to do that. So while I use the caterpillar image to suggest that the caterpillar does what it does – what you must do is make the effort to practice, get support, and do the work. It isn’t 100% effortless.

        I hope this is helpful to you, Karene.

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