verything that’s happened in the past has prepared me to be who I am now. Just as what’s happening now is preparing me for who I am to become. I never know the end of the story.

My teacher, in her 30’s, before finding Zen, was extremely depressed. So depressed that she put a shotgun to her chest and pulled the trigger. The surgeon who sewed her up and saved her life told her that she should not have survived that blast. He encouraged her to discover why she was still alive. His advice made a deep impression on her.

After her recovery, she embarked on a search for the meaning of life (or at least the meaning of her own life). She started by exploring religions and ultimately fell in love with Zen. As chance would have it, there was a Zen monastery close to where she was living, which in those days was nothing short of a miracle.

So she went to train there for many years and later founded a Zen monastery of her own.

Many years later, she and her community are now helping people all over the world transform lives and end suffering. Seekers travel from across the globe to participate in meditation and awareness retreats. Technology closes the gap between those who want relief and the teachings. Even children in an African village are eating meals daily because of her.

In public talks, my teacher would shock audiences with her story about her depression, the depression that drove her to suicide. She would call depression her greatest ally. A worthy opponent that helped motivate her to stay conscious and aware. Because if she indulged the voices in her head for even a moment, she would become lost in depression’s grip. Something she wasn’t willing to allow.

But here’s what stood out for me in her talks: She would say that she never wished anyone to have stopped her from pulling that trigger.

In a world that fears death, making mistakes, experiencing “bad” emotions and choosing the wrong path, her message was compelling to me.

When I considered the magnitude of what she was saying, I saw that her attempted suicide resulted in so much incredible goodness. Goodness that may never have come about had she not done the unthinkable.

Her message was a reminder for me never to forget: We don’t know how the story will end. There are no such things as “mistakes.” We mustn’t become paralyzed by meanings drawn from circumstances.

I can look back at my own life and see horrible situations that resulted in powerful turning points. And this, in turn, helps me to consider current struggles as possible preparations for something better.

Tragedy can be a blessing in disguise.

Like bliss arising from sorrow.

Like a lotus blossoming from the muck.