“Why are you unhappy?
Because 99.9 percent of everything you think, and of everything you do, is for yourself—and there isn’t one.”
―Wei Wu Wei

he very definition of ego is dissatisfaction. It is a bottomless hole that can never be filled. It proclaims the world revolves around itself and its demands. “Give me what I want. I want your endless, undivided attention. I am your jealous lover and sovereign authority. You belong to me!”

Of course, it would never outright say something like that because then the jig would be up! We would see the suffering it creates. We would see its real mission. And talk about a control freak! – the one operating from within our heads is determined to keep things exactly the way it wants at the risk of our well-being and success.

In Buddhism, this force is referred to as “The Hungry Ghost,” a creature with a very fat belly and a long thin mouth ending in a tiny hole to suck out the energy it creates after it causes us to suffer. Never full and never satisfied, it is constantly on the lookout for more to consume.

So what to do?

1. Realize there is no “you.” You aren’t who you believe you are. All the identities used to describe you are bogus. In fact, you are nothing. And from that nothing – everything arises. Such is the nature of the Universe: Bubbles on the surface of the water, coming in and popping out of existence. We can suffer if we take ownership of the bubbles – believing that bubbles coming in are great and bubbles popping out are tragic. But children know that delight is in the bubbling and the popping. They go together.
2. Choose to stay out of the internal narrative. Even though it’s always there, like a big tar pit in your mind, you aren’t required to go swimming in it! You can choose to stay in Life where the real action is happening. Life is where you can make an impact and live fully. Tar pits are for drowning!
3. Choose compassionate self-mentoring instead of self-love. I call self-love the ego’s infatuation with itself: “What’s in this for me? Me first. I’m taking care of #1. Oh, I’m so special. Let me hug myself while kissing the mirror. Was I an absolute jerk? So what! I forgive myself (so I can be a jerk again). Why? Because I deserve what I want from Life.” Self-love from this angle is obviously just the flip side of self-hate. Still the ego. Still yucky and not quite right. Still suffering. Compassionate self-mentoring is the understanding that you are part of life (not better than and not less than). It’s assisting yourself to become anyway you want to be. Because you care.