ne of the most unfortunate lies people believe is that they beat themselves up.

I hear it all the time. It will inadvertently come out of people’s mouths while I’m talking to them.

“I want to work on my project, but I don’t, and then I beat myself up for that…”

I interject, “No, you don’t. You absolutely do not beat yourself up. That’s not what’s going on.”

The person will typically pause, and then I’ll continue to explain, “Look, you’re being beaten up. You don’t wake up in the morning and say to yourself, ‘I wonder how many people I can make upset with me today. I wonder what I can royally screw up today. I wonder how awful of a person I can be today so that I can later beat myself up.’ No. You actually want to do the best you can, given how you see the world.

“What happens is this: You ‘make a mistake,’ and then the voices pounce on you. They say, ‘Look at you! What a loser! No one likes you! You’ll never get this right! You say you want to work on your project, but you spend your time on Facebook…’ and then the voices ‘Beat You Up.’ Can you picture it?”

For a moment, I can tell they can see the logic behind the scenario I’m describing. Yet even after they understand what the voices are and how they work, I’ll still catch the phrase coming out of their mouths. “I beat myself up.”

It’s an incredibly pervasive notion that we do something as ridiculous as “beat ourselves up,” like we’re the unnamed narrator from the movie Fight Club, who literally punches himself in the face.

Let’s put this phrase to rest from our language so we can describe it the way it really happens. So we can stop taking the blame for the abuse and start taking action by overturning the abusers who hide in our subconscious.

I’m convinced that this simple shift will transform your relationship with yourself forever.