irst of all, I’m very sorry that this is your experience.

I’m not going to tell you to “get over it” or “situations are what you make of them” or “there’s a reason why this happened—the universe is good and it will all work out in the end.”

These kinds of sentiments are cruel and unkind to those who are painfully struggling. They’re said by people who are uncomfortable with how you’re feeling and are stuck. They don’t like how this makes them feel and they want to change that by changing you. Like the adults did when we were younger. “Cheer up!” they’ll say. “Stop crying!”

They mean well.

Just because the words are cruel and unkind doesn’t automatically mean the people are. They have simply never been taught what to do or say instead. None of us really have. They don’t know what you need or how to give it to you.

So what do you need?

I’m going to guess what you need right now is someone to listen to you. And when I say listen, I mean listen without the impulse to “fix” or reframe what you’re feeling after you finish talking. Someone to sit with you—even in silence if you don’t feel like talking. To hold you if that’s what you want. To BE with you so you don’t feel so alone.

Because that’s what it can feel like. Being alone. Alone with uncertainty. With the swarming thoughts and emotions flooding you—trying to take you under.

You need a rock for support.

If you don’t have that in your life, please seek someone out. I wish I had met you earlier. If I had, I would have taught you how to be your own rock. Not to replace others or to suggest you go solo, but to provide you at least one, simple foundation for a time like this.

But for right now, please just survive the best you can.

You’ve never been in this exact situation before. So you can expect the unexpected.

I know this might not sound so wonderful. But at least it will cut you some slack. So you can take the pressure off yourself when you hear thoughts that say, “Pull yourself together. You need to be strong. You need to get over this. Stop feeling this way. You should be better by now…”

No, you don’t.

Just do whatever you’re doing to get through this. Just get to the other side.

Yeah, it would’ve been wonderful to have had the brilliant tricks and tools you needed to help you in this situation. To have learned to meditate, self-mentor yourself, disidentify from the debilitating thoughts and emotions inside of you. So you could have been stronger. But no one ever plans to be going under in this way. You’re at the bottom looking up and just want to make it. It’s the worst time to be training to be free because all you can concentrate on is flailing around.

So just get to the other side. Make it to the top where there’s air.

And when you do, I’m going to suggest that you make a commitment to yourself to spend some time learning how to help yourself better. To prepare yourself for life’s unexpected occurrences so you can meet them fully supported. Do you know what I mean?

You want to learn how to be and do for yourself what you know how to be and do for those you love unconditionally in your life. Like for your kids, a beloved friend, a family member, a pet or a partner.

It’s possible to be that person. To help yourself get to safe harbor whenever you need it.

But that’s for later. Right now, make it through. Reach out. Get support.